I am back to work.
Lets catch up. December I had to go back to training to make sure that I didn't forget how to do my job... I passed. January, I had to pass a 'requal' flight with a trainer before I was signed back off to fly the line. February was the first month that I had had a real schedule and have been "back to work". (I do want to say right away that I am part time and am in no way trying to relate to those of you who work full time- you full time working moms are strong strong women!)
However, we have a weird situation in my household. My husband and I both work in the airline industry. It is much different that your normal 9-5 job. A lot of people have been asking me how this works and how it is going, so I thought I would write a little bit update on our working life.
My husband works mainly one and two day trips. He is pretty senior so he can hold most of what he wants... it's nice because while I hold a line (set schedule), I have no idea what trips I am going to get when I bid for my schedule.
So far, have been working late florida turns (where I fly to florida and back in the same day and get home reaaaaal late- like 2 or 3am) and a Raleigh overnight (where I visited my good friend Laura, yay!). This is exactly what I wanted, fingers crossed that I can continue to hold these.
I pretty much work 6 days a month. I scheduled my flights at the end of Feb/beginning of March and Geoff's mom flew in from Seattle to help us out as we navigated down this new road. She stayed for almost 3 weeks and then flew back to Seattle. She is now flying back into town tonight to help us while I work the first week of April.
I laugh now, because I thought this would be so very easy on everyone. A babysitter that loves Logan as much as we do- check, only working a week out of the month- easy as pie! Looking back, I feel so silly about how nonchalant I was. If I've learned anything since having Logan, it is that looking back is now so so humbling and I am constantly learning things about myself.
Leaving your child- even in the care of someone else that you love and trust, well, it is anything but easy. I feel like for the most part, I'm pretty laid back when it comes to our trusted few watching my child (aka- my mom, Geoff's mom and now the gym daycare). I trust them and so we leave them with limited instructions for the day or night. Basically meal/milk times and when he usually naps. I try hard not to micro manage and just let things happen. It's really easy to have this mindset when someone watched Logan for an evening or a few hours during the day... so I didn't think it would be any different and I was wrong, wrong, wrong.
Working multiple days in a row in February, I really saw how much the shift in our daily life affected Logan. Everyone parents/interacts differently and the change in the afternoons changed how Logan was acting. I saw him throw more fits and act a little more aggressively. It was honestly really hard for me to watch and in turn, affected me a lot while I went into work. It's not that anything was wrong, but I could tell that he was thrown off by it all. A hard part was also that it wasn't a new normal for us. I worked my 2 1/2 weeks and then had 3 off at home. I think it was enough time for us to get back into our routine... to have it change again when I head back to work on Tuesday.
As I sit here, typing this out, my heart feels heavy about it all. This mom guilt is no joke. I can only imagine the millions of women out there working, who are feeling or have felt the way I do now.
Right now I am trying to take things really slow... one day at a time, one week at a time. Last time, I allowed myself to be sad and cry on my drive into work. Once I hit the Massachusetts line, I took a few deep breathes and told myself that I was already gone for the day so I might as well enjoy it.
So, that is basically what is going on around here in the work department.
I got some really good advice and encouragement when I was heading back to work (thanks guys!)... any words of wisdom to help get me through this next week?