About a month ago, I headed out of town for our yearly girls weekend in Fripp Island, SC.
5 days and 4 nights that I got to be myself again, but those 5 days and 4 nights I was still a mom
It's not that you lose yourself when you become a mom, I am still here... still have some of the same likes, dislikes and passions that I did before becoming a mom. I'm not gone, but, I'm also not a top priority right now. My son is. My marriage is. Making our house into a home is. Beneath all of this other stuff... I'm in there- squished down to the bottom of the pile.
I had been planning on going on our trip since we headed there last year. Last year was a little different as our usual Fripp Weekend was a wedding weekend for my dear friends Laura and Clark. Boyfriends, kids, husbands and parents all joined in on the celebration and got to see the place we all retreat to each year. I was pregnant with Logan and even then, Geoff and I decided that I would be going this year. It would be good for me to get away and relax.
The night before I left, I had a little panic attack as I assume most moms do when leaving their babies for the first time. I consoled myself knowing that we could face time so he didn't forget who I was. Logan is very used to Face timing with family... he's been doing it since birth since Geoff travels and all our family is out of town. I brought my pump (since we are still breastfeeding) and had a bunch of photos on my phone to help me.
The first face time was rough. I was used to seeing Logan light up, smiling and clapping when talking with Geoff. With me he smiled, crawled over to the ipad, looked behind it and when I wasn't there he started crying. And so did I. It was slightly torturous to see my beautiful baby boy crying for me and not be able to go to him. I immediately regretted coming but luckily most of my friends on the trip have kids and were quick to make me feel better.
By the third day, we were both smiles while talking and once I got home it was so nice to be able to pick up and hug my little boy.
I came home even more appreciative of the life and home I've been blessed with.
I head back to work in December. (womp, womp) and while I am slightly terrified and a little bit excited, I did not want my first night away from Logan to be in a hotel room all alone. I am so appreciative that I got to spend time with my girl friends and was surrounded by love and support.
I never understood the bond and longing to be around your baby until I became a mom...
I don't know if it gets easier with time but, I now know that when I am gone, we will all be fine!